How It Feels To Submit To God’s Will

prayer_sunset

Once upon a time, I thought I knew where my life was heading. I was at a school I loved, I had great friends, I was involved in the coolest clubs, and I was happy. Then, out of nowhere, all of that was stripped away. I had difficulties grappling with how this could be happening. I was doing everything I should. I attended the temple, I went to church, I was serving others, I was praying, all the primary answers sat open and completed at my feet. As my life began to be turned upside down, I turned to my Heavenly Father. I asked him to please stop what was happening. I knew and had faith that He alone had the power to stem the flood and change the events that were happening. I asked for the things I thought were good. I asked to attend a school I loved, have good friends, be involved in the coolest clubs, and be happy. Then I concluded with, “but your will be done, and please let me accept it when it is.”

My life was turned upside down. His will was made very clear to me, and I accepted it. And it was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. Submitting to God’s will feels like this: Your heart feels full. It’s tense, and pounding, and your mind is racing, and you feel like you’re on the verge of tears. The only strength you have left is found by holding on to whatever is in your heart. The person who hurt you, the offense that was given, or the pride you have left. You hold on to it because if you let go you feel you’ll fall apart. That reason, or pride, or hurt is the glue that keeps you together. You simply don’t want to let it go… But you have to. To follow Christ is to follow with a broken heart, and a contrite spirit. So you look to Christ, and back to the tense, coiled muscle in your chest that’s holding you together, and you make the choice to let go. You forgive those that hurt you, you forget the offense, you forget looking for validation, and you let the heart relax. The tension dissipates, and you look back for a moment to see if it really will shatter, but it doesn’t. You’re heart is already being healed by our Brother’s atonement. You begin the slow process of building up strength again, and are happy because of it.

That’s what submitting to God’s will feels like. It feels like you’re letting go of everything that holds you together, but instead of falling apart, you fall into His arms. I don’t pretend to know anything about God’s will for me. I still don’t understand what I’m doing here and how it’s any different than where I was, but if I listen, and if I watch, I can see confirmations that I’m where I’m meant to be. I asked Heavenly Father to let me attend a school I loved, have great friends, be involved in the coolest clubs, and be happy. At first glance it feels like those were all taken away from me, but a more discerning view shows quite the opposite. Those same things I prayed for have been restored upon me again. I’m at a school I like, I have great friends, I’m involved in the coolest clubs, and I’m happy. And isn’t that the truth? Following God’s will always will make you happy. So what have we to fear?

Advertisements